I grew up a happy child. I did go to Sunday School off & on, but that is as far as it went. Once I was old enough, I just didn't want to attend church. At age 17, my dad passed away, & the guilt of the way I treated him beofre he died set in. I did, however continue to pray everynight, though I led a very sinful life. Parties, sex, drinking, drugs, smoking, you name it I did it. At age 19, I became pregnant out of wedlock. At this time, my boyfriend had left me, so I was on the lookout for a father figure for my child. Not thinking, I slept around, even being pregnant. The Lord was really watching out for me then. I met a wonderful man, who loved my son as his own. We fell in love, & yet again, I had another child out of wedlock. As time went on, we were a family, not married yet, but we were a family. Our luck seemed to only get worse. We decided to get married, & move to a new state to start a new life. Our luck seemed to head for the better, but still, there was something missing. Our fighting got worse, our love turned into hate. But, through my prayer The Lord brought us back together. You see my prayers were being answered, just not in a way I expected. In my prayers, I wasn't giving the Lord my entire heart, even though I prayed everynight, The Lord just couldn't get in my soul 100% because I was holding on to the evil. Many health problems put us so far in debt, I went & got a job & worked overtime to support our family. My husband just wasn't able to work at all. Not only were the money problems destroying our life, to top things off, we lost our home & everything in it to a fire. I just couldn't understand why The Lord was doing this to us. Yes, we drank, smoked, & sweared, But I would think, what about these people who rob, sell drugs, murderer's, etc., they all have beautiful homes, lot's of money, & seem to be happy. So, what were we doing that was so bad, to have our lives turn out this way?
After collecting the insurance money from the fire, we put almost every last dime we had on a home. It was a beautiful home! We had a farm with horses, & lot's of other animals, & my kids absolutely loved it! But, not even a year later, the people we bought it from turned out to be fraudulent people. It was all a scam, & us with no money to hire an attorney, we again lost our home. My husband had just been in a major car accident, my income was all we had. So, we were basicaly homeless. With no money saved up, horrible credit, I had to quit my job, & we headed out here to Illinois where my mom lives. No matter where I went, I could not find a job. No one would hire me. My husband, still hurt from the accident, finally got a job. In my mind, I was still thinking, what have we done? Why is The Lord doing this? I begged & begged, & pleaded everynight to The Lord. Then something hit me. Everytime I prayed, I was never, not one time, admitting what I was doing was wrong. I would ask for forgiveness, but would never say why. So, when I was alone, whether it was at night, or during the day, I would get down on my knees, & tell the Lord everything. Everything I could remember I did that was a sin, I would tell him, I would cry, & ask for forgiveness. I started surfing the internet, looking up prayers, & printing them so I could learn how to pray. Then one night, & to this day I don't know what brought me to Pal Talk, but I joined a chat room, & heard a preacher that just grabbed my soul as if he was talking directly to me, & I asked for salvation with the help of a new friend Nan. Something came over me, something I had never felt before. In my heart I felt everything was going to be alright now. I had finally, with all my heart & soul, asked The Lord to cleanse me of all my sins, & to fogive me.
I am still fighting off the Demons, they want me to go back to my old ways. I still have a few demons I have to get rid of. Smoking is one of them. I am not perfect, I am a sinner. But, that is why I have come to The Lord. He is in my heart & soul, & is helping me to walk in a new light. I am now going to start attending church, to make sure I am only around Christains who will help lead me not into temptation. I am learning how to read the bible, & My husband received a letter in the mail, telling us we had won a settlement from an accident he was in. Now, we can move to a better area, & work on our new life with The Lord. I am ready for what The Lord has to offer, & willing to learn everything I possibly can. I Love You Jesus!!!!!!!!!!
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