From facebook's Testimony

From facebook

I was brought up in Baptist/Bible churches. I was brought up to believe that you become saved by asking Jesus into your heart. I knew nothing of repentance. So at age 4 I became a false convert. I used to lay awake at night asking Jesus into my heart over and over, wording it differently each time. This happened for years. I was terrified that I may have said the prayer wrong and would go to hell. I had made that prayer a gospel of works. I grew up in a legalistic home and eventually became a pharisee myself. Of course I knew I was a sinner and I believed Jesus died for my sins. I had reasoned to myself though that I wasn't as sinful as others and that it didn't quite cost Jesus the same to pay for me. I eventually rebelled against the legalistic hypocrisy I grew up under and ran away from home. I love my family very much and in no way do I blame them for my own sins, including running away. I was just acting out the sin that was already in my heart. [Now that I am a parent I also know how easy it is to have lots of rules and regulations out of a heart of love.] I dived head first into all manor of evil. After moving back home I had the Pastor convince me that I had just backslidden. Still not one word of repentance mentioned to me. Instead I was asked, did you ask Jesus into your heart and really mean it? Well I had many many times! I was a believer just like the demons who believe and tremble. After a few months back at home and really trying to live right I met my ex husband. He claimed to be a Christian. His salvation story was, a Pastors daughter wouldn't let him leave a room until he said the sinners prayer. By that time it was apparent my family didn't forgive me for running away and nobody wanted me. I love my family and I also know how hard it is to forgive when you have been so deeply hurt and betrayed. [God has taught me in the past few years that true forgiveness is possible when you look at your own sins and know what it cost Jesus to pay for them.] I left home again and after a year and a half married. I was then faced with a very abusive man. In my mind just another Christian hyprocrite. He ended up divorcing me. I had never felt so alone. I decided I hated God and christians. Then I met my husband. What a relief! He was so nice to me and he was a athiest! We quickly found out we were expecting. We were married about 9 months after starting our relationship. I knew deep down that there was a right way and a wrong way. I made him promise that if there was ever any religion in our kids lives I was in charge. He agreed. Looking back I know God was already working. We moved to New Zealand in 2003. I was ready for a new adventure, after all I had nothing and no one in the states. After moving here it wasn't all it was cracked up to being. I had made one friend but I was not enjoying it like I thought I would. God started convicting me of my sinful life. I remember seeing a number plate with a verse on it. When I got home I dug out my dusty old Bible and looked it up. It told me to repent! Over the course of months various things happened. I was handed a Gideons Bible. I just couldn't get God out of my mind. Eventually in March 2005 a girl came up to me at a cafe and handed me a million dollar tract. For the first time I saw how utterly sinful I was and understood repentance! I went home and called home for the first time in years. I learned that my mom had cancer. I was faced with my sin and God's law and repentance and the reality of death. I was weeping. I literally dropped to my knees. I can't remember the words of my prayer (and considering my background I am glad of this. ) I know this, in an instant I was a new person. I had done a complete 180 and trusted in Jesus alone to save me. I immediately told my husband. I wanted to tell the world! I imagine he must have thought something like, sure, I bet this will last as long as when you took up pilates! The thing is, I am not the same person anymore and I could never look back!

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